a door motif

2008-08-04T22:26:00.002-05:00

Dear loyal readers,

I have made a very important decision for my adult life. Starting tomorrow, I will eat Macaroni and Cheese every day for breakfast.

Love,
Julie

Julie's Career Exploration, Part 1

2007-07-05T12:34:00.001-05:00

Still in:
Doctor
Lawyer
Accountant
Astronaut
Police Officer
Scientist
Zookeeper
Rabbi
Administrative Assistant
CEO
Bankrobber
Cat

Out forever:
Clockmaker
Clock inspector
Clock repairer

my dad part 2

2007-05-25T21:31:00.000-05:00

Dad: I really did enjoy those vagina monologues. Especially the free luna bars! And of course the anal lube!
Me: Dad, it was the vagina monologues... I don't think that was anal lube.
Dad: ohhh, i've been doing something wrong

2007-05-01T02:18:00.000-05:00

i hope I get to work at least one long, arduous day McDonald's, because then afterwards I could say

Boy, am I Mcxausted!

Sorority Research

2007-03-22T17:51:00.001-05:00

I picked up a copy of Pledged, by Alexandra Robbins. The back cover promises secrets, horrifying psychological abuse, the perpetuation of everything that becomes wrong with young Greek women, everything that’s wrong with women. Obviously, I had to figure out whether I was perpetuating low-self esteem in the right way since there are no cheat notes hidden in my President's robe. Page one: hair and nails. The book is dumb and boring. The thud it made raised the dust on the copy of I Am Charlotte Simmons I read last spring break. Well that was a fun romp into the loss of teenage innocence. I like other books better.

My Dad

2007-03-21T22:43:00.001-05:00

In the Kitchen:

Mom: Look honey, I "made" (had leftover from lunch at burger heaven with aunt janine) you dinner!
Dad: what is this crap? YOU KNOW I DON'T EAT CARBS!

Right after a carb free dinner:
Dad: "We can watch tv together, but I only listen to podcasts now" (Puts on Antiques Roadshow- then puts in earphones and listens to a probably British artifact related podcast)

canadian heartbreak

2006-08-15T01:24:00.000-05:00

When Alanis Morrisette gave soured love an anthem in You Oughta Know, she melodically questioned whether her hell-spawn ex (allegedly Full House’s goofy uncle Dave Coulier) had been able to replace her yet unchallenged level of perversity. ("Is she perverted like me?")According to Morisette, the extent to which she was perverted was manifest in her willingness to “go down on [Full House’s goofy uncle Dave Coulier] in a theatre.” As the song approaches its eleventh anniversary, her question opens the gateway to greater social analysis. If in 1995, back-row fellatio was the most obscene sex act a jilted lover could cite in an act of catchy public embarrassment, would the same act be as foul by today’s standards? Foul enough to vilify Full House’s goofy uncle Dave Coulier? To find out, I am going to interview people who were alive in 1995 and who are still alive now. Stay tuned. In the mean time, comment with your thoughts.

poems!

2006-06-10T03:23:00.000-05:00

TEARS
they can fall on the floor
or into a tissue
or sideways onto a pillow if you're sleeping
but wherever they fall
they still taste like play-doh

SPACE
you can go to space
or fall into a well
or jump out of a plane (when you're skydiving - into space)
or through the roof of the play-doh aisle at toys 'r us
but it still tastes like play-doh

MY HEART
my heart is heart-shaped
it helps make blood go through my body
it is probably red, but i haven't seen it
if you want to see it, you should probably use one of those tiny cameras instead of taking it out, because you're probably not a doctor.
oh and it tastes like play-doh.

The Top Ten Things Bigger Than a Breadbox

2006-05-25T00:28:00.000-05:00

10. A treetrunk
9. The redness of Carrot Top's hair quantified by a 3-D cardboard bargraph
8. 80% of abstract concepts
7. 200 vials of human fluid samples organized by color
6. The confusion-lined void that is the fate of many college students
5. An oversize breadbox (the bread inside it is good for feeding large families, but it might not be necessary to buy the breadbox in the first place if you're planning on the family eating the bread all in one sitting, but it really comes in handy if you want to invite your neighbors over so they can see how big it is, especially if you know they just have an average-sized breadbox)
4. Most entities labeled by proper nouns
3. Zoo-many balloon animals (domesticated)
2. The disparity of wealth distribution in the United States
1. The aura of mystery surrounding the loch-ness monster

2006-05-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

i just borrowed books from the public library, and i'm so excited! I just hope I have time to read them before Peggy and Gladys get here for Mah Jong.

MISSING

2006-05-01T22:35:00.000-05:00

1 highlighted, underlined, defaced, doodled, folded, stickered, 1999 edition of a book based on a true story with accompanying movie based on the book based on the true story
1 college freshman who should be writing a paper on said book, who will get paid in love, hugs, and special k (and MAYBE cream of wheat for a realllly good job)

prizes to anyone who finds either of these things by thursday at 10:10am

things i learned today about bowling

2006-04-30T14:09:00.000-05:00

- you rent shoes
- if you ask a bunch of frat boys which ball is best to use, the response will always be, "that cute tiny little pink one with little tiny holes"
- the movie kingpin was an abbreviated version of my own training montage, but it was quakers, not mormons

2006-04-25T16:49:00.000-05:00

ow i broke a nail!

2006-04-23T03:32:00.000-05:00

i could draw you a chart of my night, but even that would be a lot confusing... so instead i just explained it to half-sleeping jess - but yeah, a chart, that would be fun to draw a picture of.
i punched a dude in the stomach
happy parents weekend everyone!

2006-03-28T01:12:00.000-05:00

G8 makes me SICK!

2006-03-28T01:07:00.000-05:00

I made this during winter break... all by myself!

Things my father did tonight at dinner at John's Pizza

2006-03-26T01:13:00.000-05:00

Forgot his own pizzacutter, but asked the waiter for the pizza to not be cut
Did cut the pizza himself, with a normal knife nonetheless
Ate all but one slice of the pizza, but cut it into abnormally shaped bites that were too big to fit in his mouth
Said, "But I love vagina!" in response to "They were protesting against China."

A Sunday Evening

2006-03-26T01:06:00.000-05:00

I was watching this series on HBO. There was a family, but it wasn't like your normal family oh no, it had a fascinating quirk. But then again it was exactly like your family, wasn't it. Oh trials, daily life clashing with that one glaring difference. The father felt weighed down by his responsility as bredwinner and man of the house. The mother slammed something down into the sink passive-aggressively.

or maybe it was on Showtime.

Spring Break Plans

2006-03-21T02:03:00.000-05:00

Whatever I might have told you before is wrong. I'm spending spring break puking, sometimes in normal puke places like the toilet or the sink, but more often in the Cantor orange puke bowl. You like Daryl's muffins?

the best part of any day

2006-03-16T03:31:00.000-05:00

seeing people on E make out in rpu

2006-03-14T01:42:00.000-05:00

A meatless burger tastes like mushrooms mixed with nothing. No need for the word meat to come into play at all. Seriously, I'm not fucking around here Boca.

JUST KIDDING I'M CLEARLY FUCKING AROUND HERE!

things that are funny to hear on the phone

2006-03-12T03:30:00.000-05:00

"i'm in the library... what's goin on?"
"daryl enid, you bitch"
"i'm with a girl... bye"

2006-03-12T01:58:00.000-05:00

there's a lot i would never do, some fantastic i know it's true

2006-02-28T23:09:00.000-05:00

here in my car i am safest of all
oh yeah, i don't have a car. or a license. oh.
hark, the front door opens and who arrives? someone who lives in this house and does lots of math.
life is full of tricks.

2006-02-12T01:16:00.000-05:00

i'm listening to so many good songs right now!!!!

does your nose ever get tired and sore of

2006-02-09T02:18:00.000-05:00

1) sleuthing out the secrets of evil doers?
2) sometimes being in the middle, and sometimes being in the next to middle of your face depending on your parents and whatnot?
or 3) smelling things?
mine does!

it's up to you to decide whether this is a true story

2006-02-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

It's time to jump in the time machine and come out to July, 2003, Madison, CT, 06443:

16 year old Julie believed that Lucy Woodward spoke volumes when she performed the song Dumb Girls (I never believed this could happen to me, something like this only happens to somebody else etc etc cough cough vomit)

So when Lucy arrived at camp as the headliner for the 2003 Camplified tour, Julie decided it would be a great opportunity to let Lucy know.

"Hey, you sing the song Dumb Girls right? You were talking about me. And that boy sitting over there. His name is Peanut"
"Oh really, I'll go talk to him for you"
...."I heard you broke my friend Julie's heart and you're a huge jerk for it"
"uhh, yeah"

2006-02-03T19:35:00.004-05:00

the rules about what goes in different types of kitchen appliances never cease to confuse me

1. plastic plate in oven: not allowed (but try it! you'll be amazed at how the dye from the plate pools to surround whatever you're cooking, almost like a protective barrier)
2. paper towel in toaster: also not allowed
3. fork in microwave: i'm sure this one's not allowed too, but a cold fork is worse than a dentist tool

2006-02-02T00:34:00.000-05:00

1. i used to have a bus driver for day camp and his name was buster

2. vball in hnh is way better than tball in 212

3. mechanical pencils don't make the normal sharpening sound, they go more like this: "cah cahcah ch ch cah"

4. i slept through Good Night, and Good Luck which is now nominated for a bunch of Oscars, including one for best picture. Yep, remember when me and Claudia slept through Spaceballs when Benjie came over to play after ninth grade community service and none of the three parties ever forgot?
Other noteworthy films I've slept through:
- Titanic at my fifth grade birthday party (age 11)
- Dance Workout With Barbie (age 5, 6, 9, 12, 14)
- Sholay! In Cara Murray India class (age 18)
- 2 fast 2 furious (age 15)
- the grinch (age 16)

IT JUST NEVER STOPS!

2006-01-29T22:33:00.000-05:00

there was a person crafty enough to write a book of playlists, and a person stupid enough to buy it at urban outfitters

things i learned from week one of no-class fridays

2006-01-28T03:40:00.000-05:00

I GOT NO CLASS ANY DAY!

1. it's time to figure out whether:
vanilla coke + cherry coke = black cherry vanilla coke
answer: sort of, kind of, someone's watching will and grace downstairs and we don't even have cable what the f is going on BUT I HEAR WILL AND GRACE AND THEY'RE HUMOROUSLY ACKNOWLEDGING THE WAY THEIR RELATIONSHIP DIFFERS BETWEEN THAT OF A HETEROSEXUAL MAN AND WOMAN, REPEATEDLY AND CONTINUOUSLY

2. i will grill your sandwich at appel, any day, any time, any one who's reading this, it's ONNNN

and now it's brought to the internet

2006-01-15T03:54:00.000-05:00

In a perfect world, swipe card receivers would be embedded into the tips of the thumbs and pointer-fingers of all those employed in swipe-verification processes, and would make the sound "boop boop" upon all successful swipes.
Diagram to come.

Places where this method would be useful:
The airport (You're going to have to carry your bags boop boop nevermind, they're from the duty-free shop we'll check them for you)
The police station (I brought you downtown boop boop okay now you can go)
The glove store (Look, you can even swipe through these gloves garbled boop boop and they're warm too)

Places where this method may cause confusion:
Later, at the police station (I brought you downtown and finger-printed you boop boop go ahead hardened criminal, the swiper says you're good to go)
A molasses factory (I'm sorry ma'am but the swiper has stuck to itself again)
The manicurist (I'd love to do your nails boop boop zzzzzz chhhhhh ssssssssss I JUST WANTED TO SOFTEN YOUR CUTICLES THIS IS TERRIBLE!)

a real-life scene in the kitchen

2006-01-12T15:31:00.000-05:00

mom: hey julie, can i make you your favorite thing, mac and cheese?
me: no. okay fine sure.
mom: (20 minutes later) okay julie, try it, i didn't have any milk so i tried something new tell me if you like it
me: i'm sure i'll like it it's mac and cheese
mom: no, just try it here, in front of me
me: um, okay crazy (takes bite) this is fine (beat) OH MY GOD YOU USED MUSTARD INSTEAD OF CHEESE YOU CRAZY BITCH
mom: so you don't like it?
me: MOM I HATE MUSTARD IT'S MY NUMBER TWO MOST HATED FOODS AFTER MAYONAISE (looks to counter to see pile of condiment wrappers) OH GOD YOU PUT THAT IN TOO!
mom: Well what would you have done after whipped cream made it taste too sugary?
me: I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!

2006-01-07T22:55:00.001-05:00

ggggggggg ch ch ch ch ch THIS IS THE SOUND A BOAT MAKES!!!
chgggggggghhhhhhhhhccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhh
julie julie walk the plank we are pirates arghhhhhhh
5 nights and 6 days left before they feed me to the croc (and i come home)
10923580931092855555555555555

2006-01-07T22:55:00.000-05:00

this beat isautomatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh

2006-01-02T06:06:00.000-05:00

when i'm in a chatroom, i describe myself as 18/f/nyc and into bikers and or people who appear to belong to one ethnicity but turn out to belong to another. Soon, 2 out of 3 ways to describe me will no longer be true. Guess which two and you'll win a prize*

*disclaimer: green apple mentos don't taste as good as they sound but they're nice to look at

a glimpse into the future

2005-12-29T18:00:00.000-05:00

the setting: the man checking out julie at barnes and noble is easily distracted and befuddled at her request to pay in two different methods

man: oh, you go to cornell
me: yeah, i'm a freshman
man: yeah, i went there. get ready to work as a cashier at barnes and noble in fifteen years. yeah, that's what you get for a humanities degree. (pause) i hate my life
me: so you were in arts? i'm in ilr.
man: where the fuck were you during the transit strike? have a nice day thank you for coming to barnes and noble happy holidays.

to be continued

2005-12-27T02:57:00.000-05:00

Here begins my list of things that are either
A. incredible because they seem to derive from an unfathomable synergy
or
B. really not incredible and seem completely plausible considering the resources from which they derive

A.
babies

B.
knitted things -- they're just made of yarn intricately patterned
tasti-d * -- chemicals combined.

*don't mistake this list for things i don't love or go to the ends of the earth/sixth avenue to get

two things about two days

2005-12-27T02:33:00.000-05:00

1. things in head after watching woody allen movie marathon:

oh god i have a headache maybe i should go to the doctor i don't know, i'm too scared it could be something bad i guess i should give up completely on life, but what if i decide to fly somewhere and my plane crashes oh no
maybe if i become a really, extremely hot girl i can hook up with woody on screen even though i'm way out of his league.
maybe i'm jealous of soon-yi
are mia farrow and diane keaton the same person?
why did drew barrymore fall for the ex-con? weak! apart from that though, NEUROTICALLY AWESOME FUN!!!!

2. i've registered for a new service that allows readers (i'm just going to assume here that there are really only 1 to 3 readers anyway) to track my every action!

at http://www.last.fm/user/juliec7 you can find out to exactly what music i'm listening ALL THE TIME!

2005-12-25T00:56:00.000-05:00

friend of mom: "dude, i was so drunk and stoned last night that i didn't get home till 2am"

me in head: "dude, i was watching my so-called life and reading a book so hard last night that i didn't get to bed until 11:30"

things to do on your way to a concert

2005-12-24T04:27:00.000-05:00

get lost in the bronx for half an hour too long -- check
wear appropriately quasi-acidwashed/holed jeans and big hair -- check check
be surprised that nobody else decided to wear a similar getup -check
text "holler if you don't understand why they accepted your circus tickets when this isn't the circus at all but you want to see elephants" to the screen and again be surprised when people don't holler - sadly, lonely-ly, check
record half of "livin' on a prayer," the excitement for which nothing can parallel, not even "bad medicine" or "keep the faith" -- check and it might even have been illegal suckahssss
go from new york to connecticut to new york to new jersey -- thanks to transit strike and a lot of cursing and or/ haggling-- check for 33 dollars when it could have been 38 or 10
and lastly, fight with a convenient store clerk who thinks your real id is a fake -- check, but the sucker eventually believed me. oh, i guess he wasn't a sucker because it was a real id. oh.

2005-12-22T03:24:00.000-05:00

man at deli: goohbah go tooey fraka

me: oh he must not be indicating anything of importance
(10 minutes later)
oh yay it's time for me to eat the starbursts i bought at the deli and not break a tooth on any of them at all
(8 seconds later)
owwww!

(time warp to 10 minutes and 8 seconds before)
man at deli: don't buy the freakin' starbursts you dumb bitch you'll break your tooth on them we haven't replaced them since before you were born, tooey fraka

2 things about today

2005-12-20T19:27:00.000-05:00

2. i couldn't find a song by stevie wonder on the thing at school where i get music but i could find "julie freaking out and having a nightmare about not being able to find stevie wonder" as a book on tape

1. Monster by Kelly Link is the most fucked up short story i have ever read. ever ever. that includes any short story from creative writing class and the ouch book.

2005-12-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

this is how much i love drinking coffee and reading books:
after buying some books at the strand and some coffee at starbucks, my brother and i were looking for a place to read our books, and it turned out that a coffee place was the best place to do that, but i had coffee from starbucks and did not want to offend the owners, so, i chugged half a peppermint mocha and then nearly cleared a 20' dumpster with the surge of superhuman strength the coffee afforded me, and then read some books. the end.

2005-12-20T01:47:00.000-05:00

can't not get no dissatisfaction + snow day - FS fun visit day (+ salesmaning) = transit strike

2005-12-18T21:04:00.000-05:00

wise and cool cousin: You look cute! Have you been listening to indie rock?

things my dad has done since i woke up half an hour ago (OR day 2 at the Cantor compound)

2005-12-18T12:18:00.000-05:00

1. he found an entire roll of cellphone and stuck it down the back of his pants and then hopped around the kitchen screaming, "i had an accident i had an accident"
only to find
2. a week-old boston creme donut. first he tried to get me to eat it, but when I refused he put the donut and the plate on the floor and then sat on it to "see what it felt like." Then, since the outcome of that experiment was comfortably favorable, he tried putting it on different surfaces and sitting on it. I escaped the kitchen during a lull in his experiment to the safety of my bedroom. As I started to go back to my own business, my dad started yelling from the kitchen "Julie help!!! I need you help me quick!!!" Fearing the worst, I went back into the kitchen only to be begged to sit on the freakin' donut on a metal chair, "the best one yet."
This saddened my mom enough to dejectedly whine, "Scott will you please just get ready for the Cantor family Hannukah party?"
My dad agreed that he'd acted immaturely and promised my mom that he'd start getting ready. He put on a nice sweater and then hid the smashed donut inside one of the bags of presents my mom had set aside for our relatives.

The end.

2005-12-18T02:45:00.000-05:00

walking home tonight i ran into not 1, not 2, not 3, but 5 friends people!
unfortunately, this jaunt down 7th did not include any instances of mistaking "holla" for "dollar"

2005-12-17T01:16:00.000-05:00

COUNTDOWN TO B, J --> B J in NJ: 5 days!

2005-12-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

this is where groove is, it's in here: <3

2005-12-12T21:54:00.000-05:00

dear toshiba satellite,

i'm sorry i had to leave you home today. well, actually i'm not really sorry. there's something we need to talk about.
i feel that our relationship has become damaging to both my time-management skills, and your screen, on which i keep sneezing (by accident) (i swear!)
the soft tears that fall upon your keyboard right now are for the good times we've had together, not the future we can't possibly share.

finals call, and i know what you're thinking, they're less forgiving than your turquoise casing, your specifications sticker, even your little blue lights that notify me of how alert you are despite my attempts to take a nap. okay fine you've got me I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU BABY!

no. i must be strong. i'm turning you off for an indefinite amount of time. ok fine, hibernate. ok fine, i'm just gonna leave the room with you the way you are.

2005-12-12T15:24:00.000-05:00

It's 12 past midnight, don't close your eyes
Your soul's half alive, and I'll be by your side
I've come to take you there, show you how to care
Just be aware, that you'll have to share

From the back to the middle and around again
I'm gonna be there til the end
100% pure love

From the back to the middle and around again
I'm gonna be there til the end
100% pure love

From the back to the middle and around again
I'm gonna be there til the end
100% pure love

2 more things

2005-12-10T23:01:00.000-05:00

1. when i sleep for too many hours in a row (like, the ballpark of 14), i dream about needing to throw up but then wake up and think about other things

2. people who write blogs love A.J. Jacobs (thank you statcounter),
as do I. If A.J. Jacobs googles himself, he might just find this.

My name is Julie too, and I have a whole list of irrational fears, most of them related to terrorism and some to loss of brain cells. Do you need an assitant? I know excel!

<3 what's a bellknb you ask?

2005-12-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

it turns out that even before i got here there was shit covered in snow in my life. too bad school doesn't have any crackheads or pimps wanting to know how my day's going. oh wait.

2005-12-10T21:34:00.000-05:00

it turns out that even before i got here there was a foreboding clocktower in my life. too bad the one at school wasn't a women's prison in decades past

good ideas

2005-12-10T02:25:00.000-05:00

put together new printer when not drunk
remove glass of milk from floor when not drunk
tell the f-ing monkeys jumping on the bed to calm the f down and shoot themselves
write fanmail to AJ Jacobs what a good writer!

2005-12-01T15:05:00.000-05:00

if you squint hard enough, tatkon is almost like the starbucks on greenwich and bank minus the crazies and david newman.

also... the ancient romans had an eye disease that was WORSE THAN PINKEYE AND NOT CURABLE! What could possibly be worse than getting sent home from Kindergarten as your classmates are advised not to touch you?!
Getting sent home from the forum as your concubines are advised not to feed you grapes, or whatever the shit went on back then.

november 27th, 2005

2005-11-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

dear diary,

today is the day i took a cab, two subways, a metro-north train, a shortline bus, and a toyota camry with a bent front plate, and got peer-pressured into a chicken sandwich when i really wanted something else.

i saw W.L. former friends teacher when i was in the subway and he was carrying a math book, but he offered me drugs.

CL reunion part 9: i lost the raffle, but i love my kids!
i will be sad to go to sleep tonight without their little prying eyes recording my every movement. i'm taking the shortline bus overnight to compensate. i wonder if those little prying eyes will tip also.

2005-11-26T01:12:00.000-05:00

i love new york! and the kids in new york!
(and the fact that special nights end with a trip to a magical place where breathmints are sexual, straws are sexual, and dildos are distateful)

2005-11-26T01:11:00.000-05:00

I JUST DISCOVERED CAPS LOCK!!!

2005-11-22T03:34:00.000-05:00

I LOVE ALL-NIGHT LIBRARIES, I LOVE URIS, AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE EATING COOKIES IN URIS AND NOT GETTING IN TROUBLE BECAUSE I FUCKING DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I HAVE MY WAY WITH THE LIBRARY SYSTEM ON A REGULAR BASIS!!!!! The sick part is I'm not sarcastic at all. Learning time!

2005-11-16T21:19:00.000-05:00

julie's hands-down favorite band of all time: The Spinners

2005-11-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

every time i hear ben folds sing "give me my money back you bitch" i think of home. particularly of my mom. She doesn't owe me any money; she's just a bitch. In a good way.

almost happy thanksgiving!

silly doobie brothers

2005-11-16T02:04:00.000-05:00

everyone knows that you can't sue someone for stealing your chord progression.

2005-11-16T01:19:00.000-05:00

there is a list of the top five boys i'm in love with.
the first one to guess wins a prize!

2005-11-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

Michael Moore stole his trademark hat from Ben Hamper, whose trademark it was originally. What the crap.

2005-11-15T10:32:00.000-05:00

most things i do are out of complete irony, but when people don't get it i get confused myself.

one more thing!

2005-11-15T01:01:00.000-05:00

here's the schedule i made this morning with a heart full of spite and anger!

http://schedulizer.com/sp06/jlc252

p.s. i'll be really pissed if someone stalks me
p.p.s. by really pissed i mean flattered

i almost forgot!

2005-11-15T00:50:00.000-05:00

JC = has job: day one

-julie is a s l o w learner
-and asks a lot of questions
- and doesn't understand why "here's what to do in case you have an accident in the middle of the night " isn't part of the standard introduction

2005-11-15T00:09:00.000-05:00

stop me if i'm wrong here, but i think i've figured out the secret to nationwide sleepaway camp inception

1. take naturally occuring object
2. attach adjectival prefix (sometimes denoting a natural phenomenon's affects on said object, sometimes not)
3. add the word camp at the beginning of the phrase

examples:
camp laurelwood
camp slippery rock
camp firewood
camp glen rock
camp slippery glen
camp stately pleasure dome
camp wooden chupah
camp babbling slut

you get the point
now comment with your own!

2005-11-13T02:56:00.000-05:00

cartman you have such a pretty voice!

2005-11-03T01:12:00.000-05:00

Cream

of

Wheat

+ ma dick

=

??

Ault Voice, volume 18, edition 4

2005-10-20T04:19:00.000-05:00

Chong tired

2005-10-16T19:42:00.000-05:00

geena davis + her little sister : baseball
::
evan c. + julie c. : improv comedy

a special day

2005-10-11T01:10:00.000-05:00

Today, for everything you do with your fingers, think about what it would feel like to do it with your toes instead. Then, if it feels good in your head, try it in real life.

a written rendition of sharpening pencils from beginning to end

2005-10-06T16:48:00.000-05:00

chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chhhhhhhhhhhh chhhhhhhh
chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
rrrrreeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrreeerrrrrerrrrerrrch ch ch rrrrerrrrrrrrrr

repeat as necessary with different pencils

thank you.

Why I love little girls

2005-10-02T01:45:00.000-05:00

My cellphone doesn't work all too well up in Ithachhhhhh chhhhthaca but last week I got not one, but two whole voicemails from my favorite little girls who've watched me sleep for three whole summers.

Following are the abridged transcripts:
1.
mysterious child: Fatty Magee!
Fatty Magee!
She's so fat she don't fit on my knee!

Fatty Magee!
Fatty Magee!
She's so fat she could eat for thirty three!

if you don't know the rest, I'm disappointed and I thought you valued our friendship more than that.

2. mysterious child: ....hi Julie, it's british nick and I just wanted to say thank you for covering up my hickies. Cheerio!

I have to go take out some trash. It turns out those flies have a name, and it's drosophila!

2005-09-27T02:17:00.000-05:00

Here's a picture of how much I love Amelia. Now you can keep reading.

2005-09-27T01:52:00.000-05:00

okay biatch, it's almost 3 in the morning and i just drank two cans of diet vanilla coke

... FRANKIE IT'S TIME FOR BLOG DEATHMATCH WHETHER YOU READ THIS OR NOT!

A certain post about inocuous sketch comedy somehow led to something terrible.

now i'm going to say something i love about amelia for each word you used to vilify her.

1. issues: i've enjoyed reading many issues of cosmopolitan with Amelia and implementing its list of dirty text messages for use on unsuspecting strangers, will included.
2. that: i love that Amelia is so damn hot, but still really good at math.
3. I: Amelia can translate i into math language because she's so damn good at math.
4. can: Amelia will unleash a can of whoopass on you and if you're lucky she'll bring her dog Pierre who only has one ball.
6. trace: Amelia's mom's a freakin' artist of course she doesn't need to trace pretty pictures before she makes them.
7. back: Amelia has a really nice butt and it's located below her back.
8. to: Amelia goes to Johns Hopkins and is a neuroscience major. That's Dr. Hritz to you.
9. my: My favorite person with whom to go to lunch in 12th grade was Amelia.
10. seventh-grade: In seventh grade I played in the same basketball league as Amelia and she was mad good at shooting scores or whatever.
11. Torment: life so far from Amelia is torment
12. At: At this time of night, I could basically go on forever.
13. The: articles are so fun that the Amelia loves to use them properly.
14. Hands: Amelia has two hands, and her dogs have dog-hands.
15. Of: O and F are the first two letters of the word offering, the peace type of which you should have given her by now instead of your crazy insanity that probably doesn't even rival mine right now.
16. that: I love that Amelia taught me how to throw a ball like a boy but she's still so damn hot.
17. cunt: Come on, honestly, you thought you could use the word cunt? I can't even say it out loud. Cunt reminds me of my eleventh grade english teacher. You might have had her too. She used to be a go-go dancer. Amelia's just not crusty at all. Well maybe a little, but only in the morning, but that's okay we're all human.
18. Amelia: That's her name, don't wear it out.
19. may she rot in hell: may you learn from your damn mistakes! There's a freakin' mob in Baltimore and Amelia knows the number to its secret hotline.

The end.
p.s. I do improv and my auditions sound much cooler.

2005-09-26T16:26:00.000-05:00

this needs to be shown to strangers

TRYOUTS

2005-09-18T17:17:00.000-05:00

The Varsity Vomiting Squad will be having an informational meeting this Friday at 2am at the store in RPCC and holding tryouts next Friday at 2am in HNH. We're looking for specialists in:

alcohol induced vomit
rpcc brunch induced vomit
sunday morning embarrassing hookup realization vomit
stinky roommate induced vomit

JV tryouts will also be held at the same time. The JV squad is looking for specialists in:

bad driving-induced nausea
disliking swingsets
having inner-ear imbalances
squeamishness

please contact jlc252 or jpr43 for more information

things i've done at college

2005-09-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

day 1: slipped on a banana peel
day 8 million: learned some damn macrons
day 13: carried a watermelon

Cayuga Heights Voice

2005-09-05T23:36:00.000-05:00

Southern cracker tackles M.D.
wannabe Canadian and anime lover get it on... for a minute
D1 recruit chooses to embezzle from the makeup counter at Bloomingdale's

2005-09-01T17:32:00.000-05:00

saying goodbye is rough.

Things I learned from first time ever doing laundry

2005-08-29T19:33:00.000-05:00

if you do laundry, clothes rhymes with: toes, goes, moes, hoes, throws, Loews, 'fros
if you do laundry, socks and other white things go under the category "whites"
if you do laundry, you get a free cookie from the back of the dryer when you're all finished

2005-08-16T16:46:00.000-05:00

more like to don't: it's time for a game that's like where's waldo but instead of waldo we're looking for the enerjets box. Whoever returns it safely gets to join me in "an all night party."

2005-08-16T03:47:00.000-05:00

who knew plip could be so hard to clean off my comforter?

2005-08-16T03:45:00.000-05:00

100 HOURS IN NYC or HOW JULIE C. GOT HER GROOVE BACK

2005-08-16T03:17:00.000-05:00

five duffel bags full of flies, dampness, and jewish crafts
ENERJ-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS
Two page, color-coded to-do list complete with naps, showers, and "me time"
Ren Hoek
FNINT (CR,A,Z,N) + drunkies
massive wooden, wood-paneled, woody room on st. mark's place?
sucker of international poop
Stimpson J. Cat

2005-07-03T15:56:00.000-05:00

A. (after two entire days of him staying in our house, a 45 minute drive, and my dad mistaking him for Molly's brother and re-introducing himself)

"Dad, have you met Dom?"

"I farted...(fart)"

B. reasons i love bonnie:
1. she gave me her t-shirt off her back when we got drenched in rain at dave
2. she designated drove my drunk-ass parents to and from tanglewood
3. she's got the hookup for the sweet deals on e

C. notes: i'm coming home on July 15th for the night... save the date and call me

headlines

2005-07-02T03:38:00.000-05:00

camp counselor found safe and pleasantly entertained beneath arts and crafts shed after three-day sunblock/elmer's glue mishap
after receiving fourth package of week, unidentified camper mysteriously disappears and bunkmates stop complaining about the food
employee requests a 72-hour freezer lock-down with boss complete with schedule: 7:00 pm chocolate milk chug-off, 7:15pm mutual embarrassed puking, 8:30pm rock-paper-scissors tournament, 9:15pm "freezer tag," 10:00pm lights out (flashlights okay), 8:00 am donkey song marathon, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Time to pack for camp

2005-06-20T02:45:00.000-05:00

bring: sunscreen, mace, flashlight
don't bring: baby crocodile, dick tarts; those are tit tacs not dick tarts biatch.

happy birthday claudia!!!!

2005-06-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

oh westside highway, how i will miss thee

2005-06-18T01:18:00.000-05:00

what a mestie sandwich!

2005-06-18T01:05:00.000-05:00

also lightweights.

2005-06-18T01:02:00.000-05:00

obviously holding back puke, so he's obviously a loser.

2005-06-16T00:47:00.000-05:00

name that alliteration

2005-06-16T00:42:00.000-05:00

l to r: stacey, kristy, claudia, mary ann, mallory, dawn, jessie, xtina

2005-06-16T00:36:00.000-05:00

jojo + juju = heart 4 eva

2005-06-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

who invited the monsters from space jam?